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Coaching Uncategorized Volleyball

My experience as a high school coach…

Yesterday marked the close of the 2017 Indiana Boys’ High School Volleyball Season. While my team officially finished our season a week earlier, some of us were involved in this past weekend’s activities. It is one of the few times a year that coaches and players from across the state are all together. It is good for the soul to be around so many people who share my love of the game and passion for growing the sport of boys volleyball. As the final awards were being presented to the state championship team, I found myself talking to a fellow coach and we started talking about our respective teams for next year. Then we both stopped, laughed…and agreed we should take a few days off between the end of the 2017 season and the beginning of the 2018 season. In truth, my official responsibilities for the 2017 season don’t end until early June – after Spring Sports Awards Night at the high school. Nonetheless, today seems like a good day to reflect on my experience as boys high school volleyball coach.

A mere 934 days ago, I was named the coach of the first boys volleyball team at my son’s high school. In three seasons, the program has grown from 13 boys on one team to 25 boys on two teams. The varsity team record has improved from 3-21 the first season to 22-9 in the third season. From a varsity perspective over three seasons, kills have risen from 256 to 826; digs have increased from 843 to 1628, serve attempts have gone from 1013 to 1957 and serve receptions from 747 to 1344. No matter how you look at it, the program has seen growth – lots of growth. But these numbers, as spectacular as they are, don’t begin to measure everything that I have experienced over the last 934 days.

Self-Doubt – yep, I’ve experienced some of that over the last three years, but never more than this year. Do I have what it takes to coach volleyball to high school boys? Is my “coach coat” thick enough to withstand the second-guessing I am getting from the “arm-chair coaches” who sometimes watch a match? Is my “mom cloak” tough enough to withstand the shortsightedness that some people have as it pertains to dealing with young people, each with their own learning styles, learning capacities and levels of motivation? I must remember that self-reflection and course corrections are healthy things to do as I grow and mature as a coach and a mom, however, it is unproductive to begin second-guessing myself in response to whispers, followed by deafening silence. I need to be strong enough and comfortable enough with myself, to remain true to my convictions and stay on the current course. The time and energy spent worrying and wondering about course correction, without clear evidence it is needed, is taking quality time away from the young people in my program as well as my family.

Sleep-deprivation – been there and done that. From the end of February through the middle of May, I get about 32 hours of sleep a week. That’s an average of under 5 hours a night – which wouldn’t be bad, if it was evenly distributed. Unfortunately, it is only 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night for several nights in a row and then catch up on Sunday. There is much to do during volleyball season, over and above time spent in the gym for practices and matches. My normal house-hold responsibilities take a back seat to volleyball as well. In season, I feel good when the bathrooms are clean, the laundry is done, the Green Bean order as been submitted and bills have been paid. Perhaps I can learn to delegate a few of the out of the gym responsibilities to others, both in the program and at home.

Helplessness – that moment when I have to let go and see what happens. Some of these moments define individuals, while others define a team. Have I provided the appropriate foundation? When is the right time to take the training wheels off and see how far they can ride, before they realize I am no longer holding on to the bike? A coach can only take a team so far, the rest is up to the team. There comes a time when the athletes simply have to “do” what they have learned. The time for practice is over, the time for questions is past, it is time for action and I pray that I have prepared my boys well for that time. In the end, I know that they have to be willing to give up a little bit of themselves, for the good of the team. They have to not only understand their teammates abilities, but they have to be willing to spend at least a little time seeing the game from their teammates perspectives. These helplessness moments happen again and again through-out a season, some are more telling than others. A few times this season, I let go and my boys soared, while other times, they sunk. One day in particular comes to mind, a day when we experienced both our best and our worst moments of this season. Unfortunately, we ended the day with the worst and I fear that is the only thing they remember from that day. As their coach, I know that it is impossible to eliminate all of the bad moments, but hopefully I can find a way to capitalize on the positive moments, so they are the ones that we remember.

Joyful Contentment – what I feel after I have taken the time to reflect on and evaluate my third season of a three-year program and determine that despite some set-backs, my kids are better players, as well as better people, for the time we have spent together. We have grown as individuals as well as a team. We, of course, have room for improvement, but since I have more to teach them and I am certain they have more to teach me, I am certain that improvement will not be hard to find. I am still a bit tired, but I know that in a few weeks, I will find myself missing weeknight practices from 7-9, early morning Saturday tournaments and coming home from some away matches at 10:30 at night. I will even miss saying “no balls until the nets are setup” or hearing a certain assistant coach say “your passing progressions partner can’t be related to you, in your same grade or on your same team”. Most of all, I will miss seeing the recognition on their faces, when they are finally able to grasp a concept that previously alluded them and when they are finally able to flawlessly execute a skill they insisted they would never be able to perform.

It is my job to push them out of their comfort zones, challenge them to be better and do better, equip them to identify differences, learn how to adapt to and even embrace those differences, and to share my love, passion and knowledge of the game of volleyball with them. And for this, I would gladly suffer from self-doubt, sleep-deprivation and the feeling of helplessness. In the end, the bad stuff fades away and the fond memories and contentment are what remains.

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Coaching Family

Before ringing in the new year…

It seems only natural to spend today reflecting on 2016, many people have spent the last several weeks writing about their reflections of 2016. In fact, I started to write a FaceBook post of my reflections and instead decided to add a blog entry and share it on social media – yup…two years after starting this blog I am finally ready to share it with the world, or at least with the small part of the world that follows me on social media. Before I get to my reflections, a word about respecting the privacy of others. I have purposefully avoided using real names for everyone except myself in this blog. Even when referring to my own children I use their nicknames, everyone else is referred to in general terms based on their relationship to me. Simply put, I believe everyone has the right to determine for themselves where their name can be found when searching the world-wide web.

Nationally, I suppose 2016 will be remembered as the year of celebrity deaths and the presidential election. But my personal reflections for 2016 have nothing to do with either of those topics. A couple of weeks ago, at our family Christmas celebration, it was mentioned that when I provided answers for our annual family trivia game, most of my answers were about events in my children’s lives, not my own. A few weeks before that, I was talking to a co-worker about my boys’ volleyball team and mentioned that I ran it more like a family than a team – he nodded, smiled and said he had no trouble believing that. So, today, as I mentally reviewed 2016 and started anticipating 2017 – I had some sobering thoughts…what the heck am I going to do when my kids aren’t a part of my every day life? Is my life only about the events in my children’s lives? Oh crap, what have I done?

And I spent a scary 10 minutes in my own head. I reviewed the ages of kids, 26 and 18; calculated the reduction in the number of daily interactions that I have with Re now, compared to 7 years ago; extrapolated what that would mean for Boo over the next 7 years; the amusing part of this story is that I CAN (and did) do the math. Then I started laughing, out loud, as I sat in my recliner, in my very quiet family room, sipping my 2nd cup of coffee of the day. Yes, I only have two biological children, but I have seven nieces, one nephew, about 20 young people who actually call me “Mama”, and hundreds of other young people who I consider part of my extended family. I have enough of “my own kids” for daily interactions to last me a lifetime.

Here are a few of my favorite “My Kids” reflections from 2016 – in no particular order:

  • Less than 6 months old and I am not allowed to retire from coaching until I have had the opportunity to be her volleyball coach.
  • 2016 high school grad who stopped me on the street to tell me he was working a full-time job, I told him I was proud of him for recognizing that he wasn’t ready for college, yet.
  • The 30-something year old who commented on a picture I posted, telling me that I was beautiful “inside and out”.
  • The young man who refused to remain silent while another boy was being bullied.
  • Me, sitting on the gym floor, consoling one of my boys after a tournament loss – he was injured most of the season.
  • Planning the “Sweet 16 – Tiara Required” birthday party that will take place in June 2017.
  • Being asked if a hug would make me feel better and then getting hugs from 10 sweaty boys.
  • The brave and selfless act of telling a teacher, to help a child in need.
  • Being asked if I always pray during volleyball matches. (Duh, of course I do)
  • Watching some of my boys win a state football championship – making memories that will last a lifetime.
  • Quietly and nervously sitting on the sidelines watching my girl be successful doing what she loves.
  • A small world encounter where I refer to someone as my child and then quickly have to explain not my biological child.
  • Hearing the words “he’s out of surgery, but it’s worse than we thought”, but then eventually hearing “my shoulder has never felt better”.
  • Being told countless times what wonderful children I have.

These are just the tip of the iceberg. My heart is full of 2016 memories of “my kids”. I will close this post with a thank you. A thank you to the parents of “my kids”. Thank you for trusting me enough to share your precious children with me. Thank you for allowing me to spend time with them and have some small part in helping them grow up. For as long as there are parents like you, I will have kids a part of my everyday life.

Bring it on 2017 – I am ready!

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Coaching Volleyball

Inaugural season went almost as expected

My first season as a high school varsity coach went pretty much as I expected. We finished the year with an overall record of 3-20. I predicted 4 or 5 wins on the year and of our 20 losses there are easily two matches that we were more than capable of winning. I knew there would be days when the boys exceeded their potential – a set one win over Zionsville in our first ever home match followed by a set 2 loss where we scored 23 points proved that point. I knew there would be days when the boys would look like they had never seen a volleyball – that point was illustrated in a late season match against that same Zionsville team.

All-in-all, I accomplished most of my goals for the first year of our program. I wanted support and respect from opposing coaches for my boys and for our program. I wanted to be taken seriously by the athletic department and school administration as a varsity sport. I wanted the extended CRHS family to support our program. And finally, I wanted the boys to see themselves as varsity athletes in a program for which they could be proud.

The support from opposing coaches came immediately upon joining the IBVCA family of coaches and programs. Never have I felt such support in a professional endeavor. The support was then followed by respect from several of the coaches as well as the officials that we saw through-out the season. Their kind words about our progress as a team as well as individual athletes were high points in our season. I especially appreciated comments about “my libero” from people who had no idea that he was not only my player, but my son.

The extended CRHS family was wonderful. We had over 30 different individuals volunteer to assist us during the season. Many of the volunteers had a tie to the girls volleyball program. It was fun to see the reaction of high school girls watching high school boys play for the first time. We also experienced great attendance at our home matches, especially our inaugural match and senior night. Again, the reaction of some of the student fans was priceless as these students witnessed great athleticism from boys they presumed were not exceptional athletes.

It wasn’t until our season was complete that I was able to determine where my program stood from the perspective of the athletic department and school administration. And while I wished for clarity on this point sooner, I am thrilled with the results. At Spring Awards Night volleyball was the last team to present our awards and the only team to receive an introduction by the athletic director that specifically talked about where we came from, how far we had come and what a great addition we were to the CRHS sports family. I was humbled by the applause we received when I indicated that of the 6 new teams in the state in 2015, we finished with the 2nd best record win/loss record and one of our wins was against the team with the best win/loss record.

My players seeing themselves as varsity athletes and taking pride in their program is the goal that still has a lot of room for improvement. I hope that with a year of experience and a general understanding of what to expect, some of this will naturally improve in year number two. It was frustrating that neither my overall MVP, nor my mental attitude award winner attended Awards Night. Hopefully my senior class in 2016 will have enough pride in our program to show-up for awards night. Guess I will do a better job of communicating this goal through-out the 2016 season.

…and so it continues…

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Coaching Volleyball

Update – 5 matches complete

My boys volleyball team is 1-4. Veteran coaches tell me that already having a win under our belt at this point in the season for a first year team is great. In these first 5 matches we have only seen 3 different opponents and both coaches we have played twice say that my boys have shown good improvement. For all of this I am grateful.

And while I do appreciate the win we got over Lawrence North and the set we managed to take from Zionsville in our home opener, what has struck me the most over our first 5 matches has little to do with wins and losses. It has to do with the boys themselves. I have two senior captains, neither of whom have ever played competitive volleyball, who are working really hard to make sure that all of the boys remember that they are part of a team and that everyone has a role to play. They only let me go into one match without a prayer, before they politely pointed out my oversight. Now we pray before and after every match. And both captains have things to say in the pre-game and post game huddles. They have taken responsibility for “their” team, something I didn’t think I would find in this first year of the program.

Another thing that I was not expecting to find in this first year of the program, is respect for the different roles that individuals play and a true appreciation of the fact that everyone has to be doing their respective role well, in order for the team to be successful. And that all jobs require talent and athleticism. I have been pleasantly surprised by how appreciative my hitters are of the role that my passers have to perform. In fact, during one recent match I asked the middle hitter who was currently on the bench if he could play a few points on defense for me, he looked at me like I was crazy and (politely) asked why? I told him that the libero needed a couple of minutes to collect himself. My middle hitters response was priceless, he moved to the edge of his seat and repeatedly gave extremely positive encouragement to the libero. He looked at me a few points later and explained that was the best way he knew to support his teammate.

I did not expect to have to inform a freshmen that his grades were not good enough for him to play for at least the first 4 weeks of the season, but even that has turned into a positive experience. That young man has continued to practice with the team and attend the matches. He is able to see the game from a very different perspective and has been asking a lot of really good questions. He is extremely positive from the bench and goes out of his way to encourage his teammates regardless of the score. He could have simply given up and quit, but instead he has chosen to remain engaged with this team and his teammates. Yet another thing I did not expect to find in this first year of the program.

And finally, I have been blessed with some really great parents as well. I hardly have a need articulated before I have at least two parents offering help. Sometimes they are so pro-active that I haven’t even realized there is a need until after they have already handled it for me. Guess it shouldn’t surprise me that I have great parents, great kids usually start from great parents. Here’s to a great start of the boys volleyball program at CRHS!!

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Coaching Family

Prepare and Plan and then prepare to plan again!

Be Prepared – this motto of scouting has application in many aspects of life. Athletics is no exception. I pride myself on being prepared and I consider it a personal quality in which I excel. I have worked very hard at instilling this value in my children as well. So, it should come as no surprise that as a coach I prepare practice plans. In fact, I usually have a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan B is typically an easier version of Plan A. In the event that things are not going well at a given practice, I can shift gears without having to give it too much thought.

What I have learned over the past 7+ weeks is that when you are a coach in your inaugural season of a sport that is also in its inaugural season at your high school, the real key is to prepare to have to prepare and plan numerous times because there are so many things with which you have no control. And because it has now gotten to point where it has become comical, here is a short list of things where I concede that some one else is in control:

1. The weather – in a 3 day period in MARCH we have had 8 inches of snow and freezing rain and flooding – go with the flow.

2. The listening abilities of 14-18 year olds – no matter how many school announcements, school call out meetings or parent meetings you have – you will have at least one athlete ask if they can try-out, the day after try-outs or four days after try-outs.

3. Non-emergency medical procedures – while I will admit that 2 weeks before the first competition is better than 1 week before the first competition, it is still problematic when attempting to meet the minimum 10 practices in 12 calendars days requirement.

4. And did I mention that the 10-minimum practice rule was a requirement, not a suggestion?!

Okay, perhaps that last one I could have had more control over. I guess I should not have scheduled a competition on calendar day 12. Now I know better for next year.

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Coaching Family

How competitive is too competitive?

I am a competitive person. I am the oldest of five children. There were four of us born in 5 years and 2 months. Everything was a competition. We competed in bike races, shooting free throws, board games, card games and throwing the football. We crowned ourselves the tallest, the fastest, the most muscular, the smartest, the best reader. Pretty normal kid stuff, but we didn’t stop there. We had competitions for things like:

– Who could run downstairs, get a can of soup out of the “cupboard from Aunt Marsha” and get back upstairs the fastest
– Who could untwist on the swing the longest
– Who could get out of having to make Kool Aid the most consecutive days in a row
– Who could dry the fewest number of dishes

We were champions at besting each other. A little healthy competition between siblings, not at all unlike a healthy competition among teammates. It provides just the right incentive to get the best out of everybody.

It should come as no surprise that I have competitive children. However, the competition between my children is very different than that of my siblings. My kids are almost 9 years apart in age and 10 years apart in school. Their competitions tend to start with the oldest saying “when I was your age, I could do” and end with the youngest asking “Mom, did she really do that?”. They tend to take their competitive nature directly to teammates or the opposing team. I have always admired their competitive nature and I consider it a positive quality trait in both of them.

Or at least I did…until this evening. After dinner we had a family discussion about the possibility of a different after school activity for Boo in the fall. No decisions were made, we just talked about a variety of options. Boo had already left the room when Re said that she understood why he was considering other options, but she “hated to let them win”. In this case, she was referring to losing to several, but not all, of the football coaches that Boo has had over the years. She doesn’t want them thinking that they won, by having Boo choose to spend his time doing something else this fall.

That may be taking her competitive nature just a bit to far. Deciding to forego something you would LOVE to do, in favor of doing something just to prove you can, isn’t winning. It isn’t even competition worthy.

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Coaching Volleyball

Pre-season assessment

Open gym for boys high school volleyball started a couple of weeks ago. I have seen nine different boys and believe that I have at least a couple of winter sport athletes that will be joining us in time for our first competition. My suspicions that these boys know little to nothing about real volleyball are spot on. However, in many other ways these young men have been a very pleasant surprise.

My boys are incredibly respectful. They respect me as an individual as well as their coach. They pay attention to what I have to say and attempt to make the adjustments they are given with corrective instructions. They have done a great job of interjecting just enough humor to keep the mood light, while working hard. I have constant reminders of the many ways they are different from the girls I have coached over the years, but those differences are neither good nor bad, they still are.

We have had one classroom session and I was pleasantly surprised by how much they talked in that session. They talked to me, they talked to each other. They listened very attentively to what I had to say. They are asking good questions. I am starting to see a team personality emerge and so far I am very excited with what I see.

Maybe the next post will be more of an assessment of their playing ability 😉

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Coaching

Coaching the athletes you have…

…not the athlete you once were.

Many high school coaches were once high school athletes of the sport they are now coaching. Some of them were even college athletes of the sport they are now coaching. And occasionally you might find a high school coach who was a former professional athletes in the sport they are now coaching. If I could give one piece of advise to a new coach or a coach going to a new school or club, it would be to remember that the group of young athletes in front of you are not you.

Not only will they perform differently than you, they will likely be motivated differently than you. I am not suggesting that you set different standards of work ethic or preparation. But I am saying that you have to get to know your athletes and come up with plans on how to best motivate and inspire them, taking into account their exposure and experience of the game. It is okay to work towards a goal of getting your athletes to love your sport as much as you do, but recognize that only a handful of your athletes will reach that goal. It is a coaches job to bring a bunch of individuals together and build a team, working towards a common set of goals. Be honest in your assessment of your players and be sure you are coaching the athletes you have.

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Coaching Volleyball

Um..It’s Real

So, I’m a high school volleyball coach. Not the close friend of a high school coach, not the wife of a high school coach, not the sister, mother or cousin of a high school coach, but an actual high school coach. The varsity, high school, boys, volleyball coach at CRHS. I don’t have an official assistant coach and my unofficial assistant coach goes to school two nights a week and coaches her own girls club volleyball team two other nights a week. She’s more of a sounding board or trusted advisor than actual coach. But not to worry, I am 85% sure that a senior from the girls volleyball team at CRHS is available to help me. So, no worries, it’s all good, I got this.

I got confirmation from my AD today that I can feel free to schedule all of my own matches. I was given a very short list of dates to avoid and I was reminded to schedule as many home matches as away matches. I can only manage to get 3 hours of gym time in a 6 week period of time in January/February for conditioning/open gyms, but I can feel free to schedule home matches in that same gym?! I forgot to ask who schedules the officials for home matches, and how do officials get paid, hmm? And don’t forget about game balls. I haven’t had the opportunity to tell the AD that boys game balls are different than girls game balls and I will need at least two boys game balls if we are to host any home matches. And uniforms, I am absolutely going to need to think about uniforms. And if we only get one set of uniforms I am going to need to get a couple of extra uniforms in a different color (and different numbers) for my libero to wear. But, no worries, it’s all good, I got this.

Speaking of scheduling my own games, after only 26 hours on the official website that tracks boys high school volleyball teams and coaches I have “met” a couple of great coaches who have already been incredibly helpful. In fact, I scheduled our first match this evening. On Thursday, April 23 my boys will be traveling to the far north side of Indy for a volleyball match, game time 6:30pm. I was so excited to be able to confirm this small, important step that tears (accidentally) appeared in my eyes. And then it hit me, that overwhelming moment of panic. Boys don’t cry! At least not while they are competing, unless they are severely injured. But under no circumstances are they going to understand why their coach (accidentally) tears up during a practice or *gasp* a game. Especially when the likelihood of my tears increases in an inverse relationship to the likelihood of boys crying. I’m a big ‘ole softy, I won’t cry if they make me mad or if I get hurt. I will cry when they do something awesome or say something wonderful or exceed my expectations. I will cry when they make me happy. Gulp, start worrying, it’s not good, maybe I don’t got this!

It’s gonna be an awesome season!